My day as a dude
By Brittany Timmons, Staff Writer
May 11, 2007 | 1:04 a.m.
There are certain firsts in every girl’s life that she looks forward to with excitement, high hopes, and maybe even a little hesitation. These are the hallmark moments she knows she will look back on fondly when she’s gray and wrinkly. Undoubtedly, these key moments include her first day of school, her first kiss, her first high school formal and her first drag show.
Last night’s Athens AIDS Task Force drag competition was my first drag show and it was definitely an experience I will not be forgetting any time soon.
Drag for Dummies
For those of you who are not familiar with what a drag show is, let me explain. A drag show is when a man dresses in women’s clothing (drag queen) or a woman dresses in man’s clothing (drag king). These drag queens and kings perform a vocal act, comedy skit, dance, or, most popular, lip sync. They also create a character for themselves complete with a drag name. Mine was Bob Cat. Get it?
If you’re frightened, don’t be. You probably played dress up when you were little and, if you had a bossy overbearing sister like me, you always got stuck being the boy. Now, just add some guys in short skirts and pumps, plus a little choreography, and you have yourself a drag show!
“I’m a man”
Before the contest, my lip sync partner, Wednesday Morninghangover, stopped by my room so she could borrow my makeup. As she applied some shimmer, I taped on chest hair and began to realize being a guy has its perks. It took me about two minutes to change into my groovy 70’s getup, complete with an afro. That’s about 58 minutes shorter than it usually takes me to get ready.
I stuck on my mustache and we were ready to go. Well, almost. First, a shot of cheap vodka was in order. Wednesday took it like a pro sans a chaser without even flinching. I asked her how she did it. “Hey, I’m a man!” she replied as she touched up her lipstick.
Pretty in Purple
As we walked into the Union, I felt like I was walking into a glamorous cocktail soirée. That is if all the fashionistas had facial hair and the cocktails were cheep beer. Immediately, Wednesday was a hit and received red carpet treatment. It was like the paparazzi snapping pictures of a bald Britney. It must have been that sexy leopard print top I let her borrow.
Everyone was dressed in their Sunday best, or maybe it was their sister’s Sunday best. We mingled with some of the lovely ladies before the festivities began.
Around 8 p.m., the emcee, the stunning Miss Purple, took the stage. She was fabulous the entire night, throwing condoms out into the crowd and telling sassy jokes. Finally, Miss Purple called Wednesday and me up to the stage to perform. We lip synced to the always classic "Dancing Queen" by ABBA. I think that it went rather well, considering neither of us knew the words and we hadn’t practiced the choreography. But, you don’t really need talent when you look as hot as we did.
Other highlights of the evening included breast cupcakes and a sexed-up version of Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham. I’ll never be able to read that story again without thinking of a large man in a sparkly tiara, corset and fishnets. It was fabulous.
Later, they crowned the queen, Anita Snack. Although we didn’t win, we still had a great time. I would advise anyone to try it at least once. It’s fun to take on a completely new role for one night and plus, where else do you get condoms as a party favor? As for me, I’m not sure if I’ll dress drag again. Being a dude was alright, but I really missed my stilettos.
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Read about Brittany's Queen counterpart's experience.
View our slideshow from the show by Sean Work and Shaena Mallet.