Freshmen face conflict with roommates
By Veronica DeSantos, Campus Life Writer
November 6, 2007 | 3 p.m.
Every year around September, there seems to be a universal groan from many freshmen entering their new dorm room. “That’s my roommate? Crap. And I have to share this tiny room with them? Crap.”
A roommate can make or break an entire year for anyone. Unfortunately it is something that just about every college student has to face. Most students worry that their soon-to-be roommate who comes from a city they have never heard of might possibly be a money-stealing, clothes-stealing, crazy serial killer.
So what can be done to ensure that a new roommate’s habit of smacking his lips so loud when chewing gum that it can be heard three doors down doesn’t drive you up the wall?
Talking about it is a good start.
“If you can talk about stuff, you can live with pretty much anybody,” said Elizabeth Henke, the RA Coordinator for the Read-Johnson complex. “If you can be really honest in a non-confrontational way about the fact that you both need to share the space then that’s good.”
Henke stressed the fact that honesty is always the best policy. If no one talks about his or her problems then they can never be solved. She stated that at the beginning of every year, the RA’s have to introduce roommate contracts for each set of roommates to talk about. These contracts play a key role for every freshman because they are a way for roommates to set basic ground rules for their room, and it helps them get to know each other.
“It’s all about compromise from the beginning, and then its important to talk about things right away because if you don’t, that’s when the problems start to come up,” Henke said.
Henke recalled some of her own roommate problems as a freshman, citing the fact that they didn’t openly talk about their problems as an issue. Instead of confronting each other they would talk to other people about one other, and this created a lot of tension between them. Looking back she has realized that things might have been easier if they would have talked to each other instead of trying to get other people on their side.
When talking isn’t enough
If students have problems beyond the issues of a roommate contract, they can meet with their RA who will sit down with both people and mediate the conversation. Henke said, at this point, the roommates aren’t even talking to each other anymore. An RA plays an important role in the conversation to ensure that no one is accusing anyone else of anything.
“It’s amazing hearing both sides, which is usually what the RA hears, and it sounds like they are each talking about completely different living environments,” Henke said.
According to Henke, another important aspect that RA’s are taught to focus on is identifying the behaviors of each roommate. Even if the roommates aren’t friends, they can at least try to identify what behaviors each person can compromise on in order to live with each other.
MacKinnon Hall freshman Corey Hollins said that compromising is the best thing when living with someone.
“Just be considerate and respective of the other person,” Hollins said. “You can always make sacrifices to at least please the other person so that nothing becomes a big issue. Just let it roll. Don’t take anything personal. Don’t get upset if you have to turn the music down or change the type of music because you can always wear headphones. There’s always a way around anything."
Fortunately for Hollins, he and his roommate haven’t faced any big issues as of yet. Neither he nor his roommate knew each other before moving to school, but they never really talked about ground rules either.
“With guys, we just live together and suck it up no matter what,” Hollins said. “We pretty much have good relationships. For me it is pretty calm and relaxed about like anything. Anything is up for grabs in the room, like food. It’s like take whatever you want, it doesn’t really matter to us.”
The off-campus battle
Living off-campus can bring a whole new set of issues for students and their roommates. Little things such as dishes piling up or cleaning the bathroom can build up into larger issues that can make students regret living with their roommate.
Henke noted that the great thing about residence halls is that students can change rooms if they really want to.
“When you are off campus and you sign a lease, you can’t get out of that,” she said. “Sometimes you have to make the best out of a bad situation.”
Senior Brandi Johnson* agrees that sometimes students will have to just live with a bad situation. She currently lives off-campus with two other girls in a three-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment.
“I have just come to realize that in college you are usually ‘stuck’ with roommates and everyone just needs to learn to communicate and be comfortable with each other,” Johnson said. “Just respect each other.”
She said that the majority of her roommate problems stem from one of her roommates in particular. She has known that roommate since her freshman year, but problems started to arise when her roommate turned 21 and started to drink more often. Johnson’s roommate started to become a little out of control while drinking, and it has become so much of an issue that she doesn’t like to go out to the bars with her roommate anymore.
“We have sat down and talked about things once this year, and there have been some improvements,” Johnson said. “It definitely helped, but it was almost like too little to late, you know? She does make an effort, but I really just don't care one way or the other anymore.”
Regardless of who you are living with, it will always be an adjustment, so use these college years as time to grow. Learn to communicate openly and honestly with everyone, especially your roommates.
*name has been changed
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