Survive the distance
By Veronica DeSantos, Campus Life Writer
October 31, 2007 | 6 a.m.
Long-distance relationships can be hard, but they are something with which many college students struggle. They can be especially hard if the two in the relationship are from different hometowns or go to different colleges.
Everyone knows that long distance relationships are taxing. Talking with students, success stories may be hard to find, but the few who have tried and succeeded say that it can be done.
Ohio University junior Kelsey Brown and freshman Candice Rios say that long distance relationships can work if people are willing to try. Brown and Rios are both currently invested in long distance relationships. Brown has been dating her boyfriend Jonathan Burke, a junior at Xavier University , for a year and a half. Rios has been dating her boyfriend Tyler Duncanson, a freshman at St. Joseph’s College, for two years.
“I know that people say long distance relationships can’t work, but if it’s real it will work,” Brown said. “If you really like the person and that person really likes you it will work.” All relationships require work to make them last, but long distance relationships can be even more difficult because of so many other factors.
Seldom seeing each other is an obvious problem, but smaller problems may creep up. Long distance couples can find themselves becoming lonely without their other half or worrying if their significant other will cheat on them. Making new friends and trying to figure out when and where they will see each other again can cause stress as well.
These were all issues that Rios and her boyfriend faced when leaving for school. They have been dating since they were juniors in high school, but the decision to stay together was easy, even upon deciding to go to different colleges.
“We never thought about breaking up ever,” Rios said, “but it was really really hard at first because it was just a complete adjustment that I had to make.”
Rios never realized how hard a long distance relationship would be until Duncanson left for his college’s football training camp. She realized then that a long distance relationship would require a lot of work, but she was willing to do it.
Brown and Burke didn’t enter into their long distance relationship lightly either. After dating in high school, they broke up before coming to college and did not start dating again until the summer after freshman year.
Brown thinks that the year apart helped their relationship become stronger.
“We got a chance to see what it was like to not be together and then realized that that’s not what we wanted,” she said. “I think that a lot of times couples who don’t have that chance [to be apart] always wonder what it would be like and then sometimes end up making a mistake that ruins the relationship.”
Although Brown enjoys her relationship, she does realize that it can take a toll on her friendships at school.
“He goes to Xavier, which is 3 hours away, so it’s close enough that we can visit on the weekends which helps a lot,” she said. “But it does make life here a little harder with friends because I’m not here half of the weekends, and he is here the other half. So it makes it harder to go out with friends and stuff sometimes, but it’s worth it.”
Burke was able to shed some light on the male perspective of long distance relationships.
While Burke said that he enjoys his relationship with Brown, he also realizes that their long distance relationship, like any relationship, has its ups and downs. Having personal time and not worrying about making plans with his girlfriend is the good part.
“The bad part is obviously that you don’t get to see that person when you need them face-to-face,” he said.
Burke also admitted that it is somewhat of a relief if Brown has plans on a weekend. Without needing to travel, he and his friends can make plans, and he does not “have to worry about her being jealous and checking up on me all night.”
The couples also gave some insight and tips into what makes a long distance relationship work.
“First of all don’t listen to anything that other people say because everybody will tell you that it doesn’t work,” Rios said. “Most of them haven’t even done it.”
Visiting and calling is another key factor.
“The most important part is the communication because if you don’t talk you just completely kind of lose each other,” Burke said. “What helps me is just talking every day. I kind of like to call Kelsey at least once a day to see what her mood is like. If she’s upset I will try to cheer her up somehow, maybe not right then, but I will send her a text message later or something.”
Brown admitted that text messaging along with calling is an important part of her relationship with Burke.
“Texting before we go to bed just to say goodnight really helps,” she said. “I don’t know why I look forward to that text message every night because it’s just a text message, but it just means a lot I guess.”
While Rios echoed Brown’s and Burke’s thoughts on communication, she also expressed that it is important to realize that couples are on different schedules.
“Talk when you can but don’t expect your significant other to be able to talk to you when you want to talk,” she said.
Rios also emphasized the importance of staying busy in order to not think about being apart and the importance of doing little things to remind a significant other of his or her importance. She suggested sending an E-card or flowers every once in a while to let the other know that they are still important.
Another aspect of any long distance relationship is visiting each other. Brown recognized that visiting is important, but that it is not necessary every weekend.
“I think visiting each other at least once or twice a month really helps,” she said. “Also making sure you take turns visiting is important so one person doesn’t feel like they are giving up everything and the other person doesn’t have to give up anything.”
Although long distance relationships can be exciting and interesting, it is important to remember that they do require a lot of work. No long distance relationship should be entered into lightly because they are very different from a relationship in which the couple is with each other all the time.
A long distance relationship might seem like a good idea, but it is important for both partners to think seriously about their feelings before entering into one.
“Make sure you know what you are getting yourself into before you do it because it’s not easy,” Rios said. “It’s not easy at all, but if you are willing to sacrifice--and it is a sacrifice--if you are willing to do that for another person it can work.”
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