The Campus Sports Guy
Karma is swinging my way
By Corey Ryan, Sports Editor
September 7, 2007 | 11:18 a.m.
Being a Northeast Ohio sports fan in the year 2007 has been like losing three-hundred pounds and winning the lottery only to have a heart attack during a three-some with the Jessicas Alba and Simpson.
College football ended with the Buckeyes getting shelled by the Gators. College basketball ended the same way, but replace “shelled” with the more appropriate “handled.”
I won’t go into the roller coaster ride that was the Cavalier postseason, let’s just say I would have traded the Jessicas for that championship. No, I am not gay.
The Arena Football runner-up Columbus Destroyers also lost in the championship and I’ll mention it here not because I supported or watched that team, but to better make my original point.
What did Ohioans do to deserve this, minus Bengals fans?
Now I am going to drop a little bit of theological terminology on you. Karma is the Buddhist concept of an external, celestial force that controls everything. There is good karma and bad karma, the balance of good and evil.
No, I do not regularly watch My Name is Earl, Jason Lee’s sitcom about a delinquent’s pursuit of redemption, but I am a firm believer in karma.
Most importantly, heading into the first Sunday of the NFL season, I think karma is swinging back into my favor.
Example?
Most recently, I walked into CVS, purchased a Gatorade, and got out two single dollar bills thinking this would cover the cost. The bill came out to $2. 02.
Refusing to pay the two cents by retrieving a five-dollar bill, I entered into a ten second stare down with the cashier as I kept my hand extended with the two singles.
She won the battle. I caved and accepted the $.98 of extra weight in my cargo pocket, which I was wearing knowing full well no one has been laid in cargo shorts since Vietnam.
Fast forward two days later, I am at Little Caesar’s purchasing a hot n’ ready pizza, which is a great food purchase. With only a five-dollar bill in my pocket, again I was screwed over by sales tax, jumping the purchase to $5.27.
I panicked, frantically trying to come up with a line that would get me this pizza for a $.27 discount until I discovered someone had left a quarter and two pennies in the extra change cup.
It is almost as if God, or karma, was saying, “My bad Corey. That was a crappy situation at CVS earlier in the week. Enjoy your pizza”
Thanks God.
I have also been racking in the good deeds on top of this. While I was at home last week, I cut the lawn for my dad without being asked. I let strangers drink out of a keg I purchased last weekend without asking for compensation. I hold doors open for people. I say, “God bless you” when people sneeze.
Until I got some certain news yesterday, I would have bet my life’s savings, my autographed Caddyshack poster and my Grady Sizemore bobble head on the Browns taking the Steelers Sunday afternoon..
Now, I’m not so sure.
Fellow Speakeasy Sports writer and Pittsburgh Steeler fan Zack Lloyd and I were playing basketball earlier this week. In that game, I Mutomboed his ass, sending his lay-up onto Stewart St. (we were playing on the courts by McCracken).
Of course, he called a foul, I protested, but gave him the ball despite a bitter disagreement. The next day, yesterday, he sends me an instant message telling me he tore five ligaments in his wrist because of the hellacious block.
I have decided there are two ways to view this accident. It could result as a bad deed resulting in bad karma.
But after thinking about this, I’m going to take a different approach.
Clearly this is an omen of bad things to come for Pittsburgh fans. Besides, God or karma is bound to make amends with me after all the heartbreak and he’s going to do it with a 2-0 start to the Browns season.
That’s right Bengal fans, we’re coming for you next week.
Will this make up for the NBA Finals fiasco or the BCS Championship thumping?
No, but it’s a start. Finishing it would entail helping Ohio’s other legit championship team come October (see inevitable Central Division Champion Cleveland Indians).
Every dog has his day. Before 2007 is over, I will have mine. Hopefully.